How can a spouse leave because you got sick?

11/13/2012

I am disgusted! I have read too many stories and postings from people who have MS and their spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend walked out and left them. I just can't understand how another human being could be so cold. It's more disheartening to me for a spouse to do this. I can not understand how someone could walk away from their wife or husband simply because they were diagnosed with MS. I have personally spoken to a few fellow MS friends. One man was married for 23 years. He had just been diagnosed within the past year. He hadn't been hit too hard from MS yet and was still working and caring for himself with little help from his wife. One day he went out with friends. He came home and his wife of 23 years was gone and left him a note. YES just a note! She said she was gone and never coming back. She even told him that their grown kids didn't know where she was either. This broke my heart. I just couldn't believe that someone you love and have spent 23 years of your life with could be so cold, hateful and the lowest form of a human being. When did someone's health become a reason to love or not love?

What happened to the vows we take when we marry? I know mine said....to love honor and cherish through sickness and health! How can someone stop loving and caring for their spouse because they are sick? In my opinion anyone that walks away from their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend because they got sick is a selfish disgusting piece of crap! What makes some people think this is expectable? I cant imagine that that their friends actually agree with them or would even stand by them. This is morally one of the worst things a person could do to their spouse!

Sadly this is not the only time I have heard this from a fellow MS friend. I was raised with morals, values and compassion. My first marriage was a disaster but if he had gotten sick I would have stayed. Granted I would have to keep my sister away from him....since she had sex with him!!! Plus I am not sure he would have still had have his "manhood"! That's the price he would have to pay! Lol man my standards were low back then!

So what are your thoughts on this topic? Has this happened to you or someone you know? I want to hear about it. I want to start a nonprofit for people with MS. When my husband gets all the $$ from his former employer for distorting his lungs! There are several things I want to do. One of them is having a section of the website for single people with MS or any other disability to find friends in your area and maybe love! I haven't come up with a name for my website/nonprofit for MS. I think all all these ideas when I am trying to sleep! Or I guess as I toss and turn!
Lol

I had a better day today. I hope you all have a wonderful blessed day. Thank you for reading my blog and my life stories.
Thanks
Christine

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Twitter: @mywonderMSlife

13 Comments

Patricia O'Connor

11/14/2012 12:32:19 pm

This is so true it's happened too many times. It's happened to my best friend -his wife kicked him out of the house because of his MS and so many others. I believe it will get caught up on them one day in one way or another.

William D. Surko

11/15/2012 02:16:31 am

I have a little story that's just the opposite. When my ex-wife and her new husband learned I had MS they wanted me to come and live with them, so they could take care of me if the need came about. I declined, and still live by myself, but I thought I would let you know that there are still some good people in this world. Our marriage ended years before I started having problems because of MS, so it had nothing to do with the end of our marriage.

Tina

11/17/2012 12:37:14 pm

I agree! But I believe in karma so I say live and let live and see what happens! I think that in some cases it's just an excuse and they were just looking for a reason! Besides I believe that MSers could come together and make great couples....after all we are the hottest people on the planet...,lol! Best wishes and good luck with your idea:)

Sher Pentz

11/20/2012 01:41:40 pm

Sometimes it can be difficult, but I would not walk away from my best friend, unless I was becoming so depressed that I was actually making him worse. I have not left and never will, but you also have to understand some people are just not strong enough to take this monster on!! I am and I will.. Thats my best friend, I have been helping him for many years, and sometimes that means some of my needs are not met. But I don't regret it!!

John Doe.

8/26/2015 07:58:15 pm

I am getting completely tired of seeing all the spouse bashing. Like there is only one side of the story. Most people get stuck in a mindset that disease or illness or disabilities only affect innocent, caring, loving, thoughtful, appreciative spouses. Here is an eye opener for you.... The disease, illness, or disabilities are deaf and blind and do not discriminate. There are plenty of spouses out there that are or become neglectful, abusive (verbally or physically) to their spouse after being diagnosed. There are the spouses that become resentful of being ill and take it out on the spouse who is not.. There are also the spouses that get stuck in the thought they are (fill in the blank), and that because of this no longer need or should act as a spouse themselves, yet their spouse still needs to be there for them. And as a result shut themselves off to their spouse (emotionally and/or physically) And yes there are innocent spouses that also run off their spouses due to guilt of the other having to take care of them, or of the spouse having to give things up in order to be there for them. Or the spouses that have so much on their plate dealing with everything else in life and their disability, illness, or disease that they focus on them first and forget about their spouse, or have no energy left to put into the marriage. That they had so many things they wanted to do in their lives, and they spend what time they have before they can’t do them focused on completing them and not accounting for their spouse. All of these are just a small portion of the things that could cause someone to leave. And before anyone starts with the retaliation bashing to this post that I must be one of those disgusting spouses that just bailed. I'M NOT. I have dealt with losing jobs, losing touch with my friends, not being able to do the things I enjoy. Giving up on my dream. Completely having to deal with a role reversal in the home. With years leading to a diagnoses of MS. In order for my wife to be able still follow her dreams before she can not.(which she does want to work until she can not) I have taken up the role of caretaker of our two children our home and of her during her relapses. Due to different effects of the illness it can be difficult for her to drive at times so I do 95 percent of all driving.(To and from school, work, and all functions in between.) I do all the cleaning and laundry. Prepare 75 percent of the meals. Help kids with homework, and goof off with kids before she gets home so she doesn't have to deal with kids arguing about doing their homework, or the loud noise that comes with it, due to migraines. I do all these things so that she can have the energy to do the things she would like to still do and interact with our children. On top of all of that We are in the middle of starting a non-profit family support center for those affected by autism. In which at night after everyone goes to bed(at 9PM) I am researching and studying finance to be the CFO of the Company. And helping anywhere else I can. I also give her massages when she needs(Certified in Massage Therapy). And in between all of this and more. I try to find small sections of time, and that's only if I can to try and take care of myself. Here is the kicker. I'm still here I still love my wife with all my heart. Yet Even I can not figure out how I continue going. I have had multiple counselors even ask me how I haven't just cracked or given up, Or left.

Emily

3/20/2017 06:31:00 pm

Seriously?! She never said anything about the other spouse doing something to actually cause them to leave because thaise are not the cases she's referring to. There is always a "within reason" when dealing with and honestly trying every aspect possible. I suggest talking to a Priest because while they do not condone divorce, they will guide you to try every possible and reasonable avenue. He don't give his blessing to divorce, but he'll be very understanding if that's truly what needs to occur. You are obviously not coping as well as you or your therapist think because you have a lot of pent up anger showing. Also, my ex before I got married is wheelchair bound from an accident and I knew that going in. Just like when my now ex husband knew that I was having major medical problems from an accident before we married. When you enter into marriage, that's exactly why it says in sickness and in health. Just as my Neuro told my then husband, "So, basically you wanted a life insurance policy on her health before saying I do!" When I began having seizures, my ex filed for divorce From me 2 days later later! ...AND I got the papers on my Birthday!!! So, because if your anger, I feel terrible for your wife. You may of stayed, but it certainly seems as though you're making her pay for it too! Just staying and going through the motions does not make your resentment ok not you an angel. It's life. It's marriage. Get over it! I know this is an old post, but I could not simply believe your level of arrogance in that she should owe you or something. I pray you are both in a much much better place today.

Wendy Herrera aka Pebbles Herrera link

11/14/2015 09:19:16 pm

I just read your story. I had not paid attention to it until now. I am not sure if you are still looking for people who have MS and have been through the same as you with there significant others? I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in March of 05 after which I have been through so much . I am now 100 % disabled. I no longer have friends. I am single. I am not an ugly person. I have been told I resemble Angelina Jolie. Anyway, I have no life. I tend to stay home. I don't go out much. I don't play games. I don't sleep around. I am tired of men who are looking for someone who is a good time sexual object. I am not like that.

anthony_dinsmore

10/12/2016 11:45:42 am

I have ms for 21 years now. My wife left me after 30 years of marriage Was a total shock what she did. I live alone now I just won't give up on myself. I got off the pity train. I do miss having a woman in my life you can email me [email protected] If you want to talk

anthony

10/12/2016 11:53:42 am

trijinx link

2/15/2017 08:49:47 pm

YES just a note! She said she was gone and never coming back. She even told him that their grown kids didn't know where she was either. This broke my heart. I just couldn't believe that someone you love and have spent 23 years of your life with could be so cold, hateful and the lowest form of a human being. When did someone's health become a reason to love or not love?

Emily

3/20/2017 06:51:24 pm

I left most of my story in a reply above. Grand mal seizure out of no where and after the hospital and diagnosis, then he filed 2 days later. I got the divorce papers on my 35th birthday. Also, I am the only parent to two boys. So, he not only did this to me, but a competely destroyed 14 and 9 year old. I was so busy trying to literally lift my children up off the floor. And...I honestly felt like things were still pretty good between us. His biggest fear was bankruptcy and even though he was an AeroSpace Engineer for a Luxury Jet Compaby, he wanted me to work and be his trophy wife. I'd only gained 15 pounds and needed more time to physically feel better. I was a Preschool Teacher and was told it would take on average 6 months to get the right meds and to drive. Mine are so bad too, that it'll feel like a stroke for weeks and cause major heart issues. My 14 year old found me a month later in the kitchen and the EMTs couldn't find a pulse. They got it to 18 beats per minute in the ER and then could only get it to 30 for the next two days in ICU. He seriously tried suggesting that I'd tried to take my life! My Toxicology was of course clean and the Cardiologist laughed at his theory. Then the Cardiologist asked me out after I was no longer his patient a few weeks later! He said he wanted a partner, not a defendant. He was so cruel with everything from that point. From day 3 I had to focus on the thought that I'm trying to raise future MEN...and THAT is NOT how a real man acts. The divorce went quick and so despite my pleas to slow it down so they could look better at my heart, he objected. I've only had worsening symptoms since then. However, I can't afford insurance and had to move back home. Hardest and best year of my life. I appreciate every single little thing with my kids and friends. We're better off, but almost a year after getting the papers, I'm just now able to process it all, hence my being here. I keep searching for what I did wrong to make a human treat me that way. However, deep down it wasn't me, it was him.

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How can a spouse leave because you got sick?

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